P.S. white pebbles

I'm still learning from kids' books.

My niece and nephew love a good book-reading session. And when you have a Mimi who taught elementary school for 30 years, there is a plethora of classic picture books available to read when you come to visit.

Hoping that grandkids would be on the way at some point, my mom saved many books from her classroom collection: the Arthur books, the Berenstain Bears (yeah, check that spelling¹), Franklin, and so on. Ivey and Owen love them all.

After a lot of reading with them last fall, I picked up on a few of the recurring storylines between these different children’s book series. For example - losing your first tooth.

Let’s start with Arthur.

Arthur’s friends are losing their first teeth, but despite his many efforts, Arthur’s baby teeth stay firmly rooted. His classmates poke fun at him, and anxiety grows until his first tooth finally gets knocked out on the playground.

Franklin’s story is a bit different. Apparently, turtles don’t have teeth. So while all his friends are losing their teeth and getting their gifts from the tooth fairy, Franklin feels left out. He even tucks a white pebble underneath his pillow in a feeble attempt of trickery to have the same experience as his friends.

There’s not actually a Franklin or Arthur book in here, but oh well. | Photo by Robyn Budlender on Unsplash

Two different authors and two slightly varied plot lines but the same apparent fear of growing up and missing out on something. Of not reaching a certain milestone when your peers do.

These children’s books may have only referenced the baby canines, but don’t we just repackage this fear in different wrapping our whole lives?

As we grow up, we hopefully learn not to compare so much and not to judge others for the way that their lives unfold, but still…

There are “classic” signposts that linger ahead of us long after losing our first teeth. Markers that seem to hold evidence of maturity or “making it” or reaching the next season.

Buying a house. Getting married. Having kids.

These are a few of the milestones that my friends are reaching now or have reached in the last few years (or longer) that haven’t happened for me yet. And sometimes I wonder if that means I’m falling behind or at risk of always being seated at the kids’ table.

Similar to Franklin, I keep tucking this international life I’ve been living under my pillow like a white pebble to trick the tooth fairy. Like it’s an excuse for the things that I haven’t accomplished yet or for my single life.

But who am I actually trying to trick? And why?

Sometimes I think I’m trying to trick younger Riley. The girl who had a certain idea of how her life would play out. Sometimes I’m trying to give evidence to wider society, “Look, I may not own a house, but I can navigate the visa office here in Egypt. Doesn’t that count?”

But white pebble or real tooth, nothing I tuck under the pillow is going to reward me with a prize from the tooth fairy. As my older sister tried to tell me when we were young, she doesn’t exist. There’s nothing under the pillow in the morning.

Whatever milestone we might still see glimmering ahead of us that seems out of reach…we’re not missing out on anything.

And since we’re not missing out, we don’t have to tuck pebbles under pillows anymore. Instead, we can collect them in mason jars on display.

1. Example of the Mandela Effect